When I still thought I was a Goddes

An echo of the past between myth and reality

The planet where I was born is not the one I come from, which I will never be able to know. I never admitted to anybody, not even to myself, that precisely that distance will be fixed in my mind as a fault compared to those who were able to know it.  I was not aware that those memories were still in me, memories that had remained unreachable until when it was too late to change the course of my life.

I was born a Goddess, but this hidden fault made me run after a power I already had inside but was never enough for me. My wisdom remained sealed in those memories and a huge Ego took its place becoming my guide. I forgot I had all inside and started running after knowledge, power and supremacy, but they only temporarily filled the void I felt. And then I started all over again: a new war, a new conquest, new temples, new servants and handmaidens. A cycle I deemed endless, but which then found an end.

I also challenged death and only too late I understood that precisely my challenge prevented me from understanding it. I knew it, but my Ego prevented me from understanding it.

I descended into the Underworld and while descending I was deprived of the knowledge I had with me; I found myself powerless and I surrendered. Others came to save me and I returned to life.

According to the law of the Underworld I had to leave someone else in my place; I deluded myself it was true, but when it was too late I understood I had left myself. My body returned to life, but part of my Essence remained to nourish the death I had challenged.

In the Underworld I saw what is not visible and I understood it had always been present in the invisible of my life. Only when I saw it coming into sight, I understood its existence. I challenged also the energies of this dimension beyond the visible, and precisely for this reason I could not understand it.

My body returned to life and I used it to get what I achieved. Many admired and loved it, but not me. Death had left its mark, appearance and beauty disguised it, but I recognized it even without  knowing what I was perceiving.  I started hating everything as I had started hating myself. An endless madness, until someone decided there was no future for me and stopped it.

And when I realised I had lost everything, I understood that death had come back to catch me. I realised the life I had lived was only a break that had been granted to me and death was now claiming its tribute …. and others let it happen.

In that moment what I had known  without understanding it became clear: I had left behind my Ego and was observing my Essence.  I realised that only love can understand and transcend death because death cannot understand love, but love can overcome death.  If I had done it before, my Essence would have  understood its suffering and its death and would have come back to life.

To my astonishment I realised that for the first time I was living the pain of death and, at the same moment, its end.  I lived the pain and recovered my strength, my worth. It was a moment where the true and the false cannot  hide or disguise themselves. I was not challenging anything and for this reason I saw and understood it was the end, an end that  others had decided and that I could not prevent, lost in my Ego.

And my heart spoke its words:

When I lose everything  I have, I understand my worth.

I understand who I am and who I am not, who I have been and who I have not been in the film where it seemed I was everything or I was nothing.

I understand that it’s now late to be what I am and I understand that future will be the result of what I have been, but  I am not.  And I let myself die in what I have been, that I am not.

I understand I must save what I am, a seed launched in the endless and timeless space and containing my truth and the truth of what I know, what “Is” but “Has not been”.

A fruit to harvest in a future where I will be able to be what I am, that I have never been, but I can be.

A fruit I am harvesting now, in this future where I understand I can be and will be what I have never been.

This is the truth, everything else is what it has been without being it.

We were all born Gods and we are all searching the future where that Divine Essence, unaware of itself and of its past, can live again. That future can and must be today, an eternal today for an eternal future of light.

Graziella Cella
Blogger Rebis Group

Translation by Graziella Cella